she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
