I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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