WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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