yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
