Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
