I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
