I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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