Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
