new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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