Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
