if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
