Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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