During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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