I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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