I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
