He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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