The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
