So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
