I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
