I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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