You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
