i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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