i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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