Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
