Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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