it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
