shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
