Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
