I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
