Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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