i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
