Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
