i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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