I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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