I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
