hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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