you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
love makes seman taste better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
