alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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