I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
