So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
