is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
