WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
