the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
