I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
