Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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