): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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