70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
