At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
