Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
