just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
