Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
