Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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