if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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