We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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